Mending
by Jazspell
Summary: Remember, all hearts can heal—even in the darkest of times. {Joshaya}
1. In the Rain

**a|n This is my first fanfic. Written for Camp NaNoWriMo. Rated T for language. I do not own Girl Meets World or anything associated with it.**

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Salt tears and rain—he couldn't tell the difference.

It poured sixty miles per hour as he peered over the bridge. Grey waves collided with each other. The boy could hear the roar of thunder and see the prominent features of lightning, but he cared not of his safety anymore.

Shifting his weight on the blue-colored rails, his heels were raised. He leaned forward until his toes were about three inches from the ground. He relaxed her grip on the rails just as someone clutched his shoulders and jerked him.

"What the heck, Maya!" he screamed, stumbling across the pavement until his balance was regained. "I was so close! Why would you stop me?"

She shut her eyes close, but it didn't help with the imminent tears. "I-I couldn't let you do it. That note you put up online, I saw it and freaked for my fucking life. Why didn't you tell me about this?"

He squeezed the rails with both hands and pressed his eyes together, sniffling every other second. _If there's a God above, he'd let me die instead of living in this world. _

"Why do I matter to any of you?"

Her wavy blonde hair was now soaking wet and dripped as if it were also crying. "We don't all hate you, despite the metaphorical ditch you'd burry yourself in everyday."

"An imbalance of chemicals in my brain is eating me alive!" he screamed. "Don't you tell me that I have a valid reason to live."

Maya shook her head and took his arm. "How could you feel this way? None of us ever expected this out of you. I mean, I just need some clarification, so I can help you."

He whispered, "I don't need your fucking help. What I need is for you to leave me so I can do this."

It had rained in his life for several months, and he needed to find an escape from the world. _Death_ he thought _is the only one who knows me, who trusts me and believes me. _Why couldn't they understand? Why couldn't they let him be with his best friend?

"Stay." Maya reached out to hug him. "If you won't stay for me, then stay for your family. How traumatized do you think they'd be if she learns you'd killed yourself?"

He sighed sharply. "Mom wouldn't care."

They both stood hugging each other. Maya cried into his shoulder, tears like raindrops falling endlessly from the grey sky. The sound of her coughs mingled with the boisterous thunder and splattering rain.

"How did you know I'd be here anyway?" he whispered.

Her breath staggered, "I'm your girlfriend, Ranger Rick, of course I would know! The note online said that you'd be jumping off a bridge, I saw it and guessed you'd be jumping off of _our_ bridge—the secret one that you took me to when you first asked me out."

Water drops collided with the ground as if they were flying home. Thunder howled at a distance, accompanying the swooshing waves underneath the bridge. The rain, it solemnly whispered silent secrets to no avail.

"You could call the suicide hotline if you don't want to talk to me about it. Just please, take this chance while you're still alive." She was sobbing at this point.

"I don't have the will," he mumbled.

_"__Please, I love you."_

He bolted off the bridge and into a new world.

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**a|n Hey guys! Thanks for reading the first chapter. Maya's POV in this story is inspired by "When it Rains" and "Last Hope"- both by Paramore. I'll try to update every week, but no promises. Enjoy the rest of your day :D **


	2. Letters to You

**a|n: Thanks for all the reviews and follows!**

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_Maya,_

_I love you. _

_That's the only way I know of saying goodbye. _

_You'll always be in my heart, even in death. The past year with you has proven that. Our relationship has been a goddamn blast and the only happy thing in my life. I need you to know that._

_The only thing I regret about doing this is leaving you. You were the only thing keeping me from killing myself, but my world got worse everyday. I just felt that without me, everyone else's world (except for you) will go on. They'd come to my funeral and then forget about my existence._

_I remember the fucking time our lips first met. We were under the stars, your face animated with joy. You asked me, 'If you could only do one thing before you die, what would it be?' And I went for it. At that moment, I was sure as hell that what we have is endless._

_It also fueled the fire in me that wanted to kill myself-I thought I wasn't worth your love._

_Nobody knows the real me, and I'm so fucking sorry that I hid it from you. Nobody knows the number of times that I've lost hope or locked myself in my room, crying. Nobody knows how long I've been holding on, just to fall down. Nobody knows who I really am._

_I killed myself because I'm not worth a place in this shitty world._

_Maya, I need you to move on and eventually love someone else. As much as I love you, and I fucking do, I am not your true love. I never will be. I don't know how to say this, but just keep me in your heart and move on. Don't live life mourning over my death._

_I may be dead, but our love is forever._

_Love,_

_Your Ranger Rick (wink)_

"No fair. Your letter's longer than mine," Riley mumbled after Maya was finished reading.

"No shit, Sherlock. I was his girlfriend."

Mrs. Friar had stopped by a few minutes ago to drop off the letters Lucas had written for both of the girls, and Topanga gave it to them. Secretly, Maya was glad that she didn't have to face Mrs. Friar. Especially because she was present when her boyfriend ex-boyfriend killed himself.

They both sat at Riley's bay window and read their letters to each other, every word piercing at the girls' hearts.

Maya held up her letter (which was tear-stained by herself and whom she assumed to be Lucas), letting the sun from Riley's window shine through the printer paper.

Riley ran her fingers through her brown hair, now sticky from sobbing. "How could he think he wasn't good enough for the world? Auggie, he looked up to him like an older brother. A-and you, he lit up a light that was just so, I don't know, bright."

"Why would _Lucas_ think that he wasn't good enough for me?" Maya clenched her teeth. "He was the one who would always remind me that the world wasn't good enough for _us. _In fact, he-"

The door creaked open. "Riley!" a Josh's voice yelled. "Can you please watch Auggie while I… Wait, what the hell is wrong?"

The blondie stared right into Josh's eyes then bawled harder than before. _Lucas thinks someone else can replace him?_

"Lucas committed suicide," Riley's crestfallen voice spoke.

"You mean the Howdy guy who you had your first kiss with?"

"Uncle Josh!"

Although Maya wasn't looking, she felt as if Riley and Josh were having a telepathic conversation.

The NYU student walked over to the bay window. "Maya?"

She looked up just to barely meet his eyes.

"Hey," he stately whispered "I know that you and Mr. Howdy dated and all, and I'm _very _sorry you have to go through this, but just please remember that Riley and I will always be here for you."

He hugged her.

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**a|n: God, I hope that last part wasn't too cheesy or cliche. **

**Josh's POV is inspired by "Hate to See Your Heartbreak" by Paramore.**

**Please feel free to message me here or on Tumblr (link in profile) if you have any questions, prompts feedback, or if you just want to talk. I want to get to know my audience.**

**I'll try to update by Saturday or Sunday. Thanks for reading! :D**


	3. Funerals

She held on to Lucas' grey sweatshirt. He had given it to her last January when she claimed to be cold, and although she offered to give it back, he'd refuse, claiming the sweatshirt was a gift.

It reminded her of him so fucking badly.

Her blue eyes observed the graveyard. Numerous people had appeared to attend her ex boyfriend's funeral. She knew some attendees, but saw many unfamiliar faces.

Mrs. Friar's puffy, red eyes revealed that she had been crying for quite a while. Maybe she'd been bawling all night, or even since the day he died. Farkle, Auggie and Riley could barely pry open their eyes from crying. Maya couldn't handle the painful look on their faces, so she looked in another direction.

"Everything will be alright, Auggie," she heard Riley comfort. "he's where the angels learn to fly now."

Maya had no idea why Josh attended, but she guessed that he went to support Riley. Despite the fact that he barely knew Lucas, there he stood, perfectly still and solemn. He reverted his eyes from the grass to her, and she gave him a small smile.

The vicar spoke up. "We will be bidding farewell to Lucas Friar today. A son, student, and friend."

Farkle gasped loudly.

A few people spoke, but they couldn't get through their eulogy without breaking down in tears. '_He chose the most selfish way to leave us' _one person in the audience had said. '_If he was so smart, why did he kill himself?'_ Frustrated, Maya clenched her fists and stopped herself from yelling.

She blinked several times, and finally, the tears rained down. The speaker's words turned into gibberish. _He's. Gone. _The hole inside of her kept on expanding, as she thought of how Lucas Friar was a missing piece of her puzzle.

She glanced at Mrs. Friar again, whose tears fell like a fountain. The high school senior couldn't help but pity the woman, for Lucas was the last of her family. How did she feel when her husband died? How much worse was the pain now?

People started to fall in line, hoping to comfort Mrs. Friar. Maya had to force herself to rise from the folding chair.

She wasn't looking forward to her conversation with Mrs. Friar.

Soon enough, it was Maya's turn to console the grieving woman. "This, um, I'm really sorry, Mrs. Friar. You don't even know what I would do to trade places with him."

"Maya," she scolded quietly, "if God had wanted you in his place, then it would have happened that way."

_But there is no fucking God!_

Maya sighed, silently bashing herself for forgetting how religious Lucas' mther was. "You don't understand! I could've stopped him from jumping, but he just, well he jumped. And there was nothing I could do. I tried persuading him otherwise, but his ideas were pretty much set in stone."

"Listen, it was the Devil's fault, not your's. You hear me? I'll admit I'm a little upset at you, but that's just our sin nature. God has already forgiven…"

Maya could barely understand what she was saying anymore between her loud cries and thick southern accent.

"I have something for you, Maya." She snapped back to reality and stared at the metal heart-shaped container. "It's an urn with Lucas' ashes. I knew you'd want to keep them."

"Um-uh, thanks," she replied, "I guess I better get going. See ya."

She saw Josh standing alone again-this time, trying to ignore Riley and Farkle's PDA.

"They third-wheeled you, huh?" he asked her, kicking at the grass.

Maya pursed her lips. "Sucks, doesn't it?"

"It's fucking awkward. I'll have to admit that."

Attendees were starting to leave the graveyard, probably to commute to the promised free brunch. Was that why so many people showed up?

"Lemme guess," Maya started, "did you attend for the brunch?"

"Maybe."

She squinted her eyes and stared right at him. For years, she thought that Josh was a respectable guy. He attended Lucas' funeral just for the free food? What kind of superficial act was that? Maya sincerely believed he attended for Riley's sake.

"Unless that makes me sound like a bad person." Josh's voice startled Maya. "Sheesh, I was joking, Maya. The real reason why I attended is because I wanted to communicate with the dead."

Maya's mouth dropped open. _What kind of shitty guy is he? Is he part of the Illuminati? Is he going to kill me? Why am I thinking like Riley? _She slowly walked backwards, careful to avoid any rocks or trees.

Josh combed his fingers through his dark brown hair, laughing at Maya's reaction.

"Uncle Boing!"

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**a|n: You heard it, Josh can communicate with the dead ;)  
**

**Next update on Saturday :D**


	4. Don't Let Them Know

Head down, Maya trudged through her school hallways, incognizant of her surroundings. The building, which once was energetic and lively, was now dead to her. Laughter was pure hell to her ears; she refused to believe that people could actually emote so much joy. And PDA? The girl could've ripped the couple apart and give them a piece of her mind.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Maya," a braided girl said. It amazed Maya how her speech changed from a walking encyclopedia to an almost regular teenager over the years.

"Smackle," she seethed, "why weren't you at the funeral? I thought you were his friend!"

Smackle spoke in a monotone voice and crinkled her nose, "I was at a family vacation. Didn't you notice that I was absent from school?"

"You-you would've came if you were his true friend!"

"Are you suffering from depression? Women are two times more likely to develop depression than-"

"I don't care about your fucking facts!" Maya screamed, tears brimming her eyes. "He's fucking gone, so stop bringing him up as if he still existed."

"I didn't mean to-"

"Do I care if you meant to do anything?"

Smackle left her.

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The sun barely shined through her window as she lay in bed, armed with a comforter. Tears stained her grief stricken face. She didn't feel whole, and life was ending as she knew it.

Maya's step-father Shawn had stepped in her room to talk with her. To see how she was doing and to provide a shoulder for her to cry on, but she refused any help-especially from any adult figure.

The world didn't understand how a piece of her was ripped out and never to be replaced. They would never know the damn trauma of actually _seeing_ their one love colliding with the waves or _almost_ preventing someone's death. No one knew how guilty she felt or how much of her died that day. No one.

Now and then she would dream about Lucas' suicide, and shit did it seem real. The rain smacking her face, his sorry expression, the sound of waves swooshing violently, his last words… _I don't have the will. _And when he jumped, the blondie snapped awake, screaming in terror, which worried both her mother and Shawn.

She didn't care how her trauma affected everyone around her. Sure, it was selfish, but how else could she cope? How could she just 'move on' when memories of him were still fresh in her brain? Why should she care what anyone else thought about her?

"I heard you dissed Smackle and had a total breakdown today." Riley walked into the room and sat on Maya's bed. "Why?"

"Why are you here?" Maya voiced dully, making the question sound more like a statement.

The girl's best friend held both of her hands. "Don't avoid the question. Why did you diss her?"

"She spoke of _him_, so I decided to give her a piece of my goddamn mind. Why is that so bad?"

Riley shook her head. "This isn't like you, Maya! The real you wouldn't be this fed up about a boy!"

"Why should I care what you think?"

"Do you know how much this has been troubling us? I can barely sleep because of this. I've been staying up until 2 A.M. worrying about you. Did you know that? Mom and Dad, they've been talking to your parents about getting help. I'm your best friend, of course you should care what I think-In fact, I had to cancel a date with Farkle to be here! "

"You're a potato," she accidentally spoke.

"What the hell, Maya? Way to change the subject. Anyways, please move on already! You don't have to forget about him, but…"

Instead of listening to Riley's words, Maya replayed Lucas' funeral in her head.

"You hear that, Maya?" Riley asked.

"Huh?"

Riley shook her head and held Maya's arm, "I'm just so worried about you. He's gone, and you really need to accept that it happened."

But what if it didn't happen? For all Maya knew, this could've been one huge fucking nightmare where she'd wake up in the morning and progress with her normal life. It just didn't seem real.

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**a|n: Sorry for the late/shitty chapter. I've been under so much stress lately between competitions and concerts and whatnot. Anyways, I'll try to make it up to you somehow. Have a great day!**


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